boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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