Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Randomize
