I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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