It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
