the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
