R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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