his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Damn victory sex feels great
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
