So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
