I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
