After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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