Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
