I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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