barbara walters just said penis...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
