Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize