My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
