I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
These tits shall not be calmed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize