I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
