Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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