I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
