She's JV to your varsity
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
