sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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