Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
