He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize