The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
