That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
