help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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