Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
