Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
