I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
