you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize