Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
