There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
