I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
