love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
