Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
