and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
