HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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