i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
