Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
