My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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