checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
