and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Couch. On fire.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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