I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
should my penis look like a turkey
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
