is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
