he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize