even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
