roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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