i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
