Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
