I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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