i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
