I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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