yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize