I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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