I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
