Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
