I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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