ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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