Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
