Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
