we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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