Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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