Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I came so hard my ears popped.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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