Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize