Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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