How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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