let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
