i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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