How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
