i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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