hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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