Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
