Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize