I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
